What Comes After, Recovery
by Is-It-enough
Summary: Fem-Captain America - Stephanie Rogers is taken by Bucky who is desperate for answers, Bucky fights the cracking in his head and is forced to decide if he is 'The Weapon' or 'Bucky Barnes'. Stephanie helps Bucky find himself in the mess of what's real and what's implanted.
1. Chapter 1

Sitting, watching, waiting, examining, listening, fingers brush against the pulse in it's throat, still there, thump, thump, thump, slow but steady, it's alive. Of course it is, chest rises and falls with the ragged breathing still healing from the bullet holes he put there, they were all but closed, it's healing was astonishing it mirrored the healing in his own body.

Questions rolled around in the healing mind of the dark haired grungy man as he watched over it, the mission laid out across a hollowed out backseat of a van that the weapon had stolen… no, that he had stolen… It was difficult to force his mind to transition from being the weapon to being a person, was he that person? He looked enough like him if you cut off all the hair and changed him completely, nothing in that place looked familiar except, except of course IT.

More sitting, waiting, watching, miles were between them and the river he had dragged it from, days between diving into the cold water and pulling it up. Van parked in some Hydra safe house garage, it was empty, not a person around to take him back or tell him what to do next. He'd failed, the mission was alive passed out by his feet, long blonde hair draped over it's shoulders spreading out around it's body, bullet wounds cleaned wrapped up tight, all abrasions cleaned and covered, lips chapped, face having only a few spots that showed yellow from healed bruises.

It was strange having no orders, he had followed the ones burned into him and brought himself back to them but no one was around to take him back to the icy cell, no one to do anything, no one except for himself. Pre-setting settled in, eat every 8 hours, drink a full bottle of water every 6, brush teeth, shower, shave or keep beard short, brush hair and keep it from getting too long, change clothing, if captured kill as many as possible before self termination.

Pulling the limp body out of the car, carrying it seems oddly familiar, it's heavier than he had expected, it's scent fills his lungs and that to is something he recognizes, this strange sense of knowing kept the mission alive, it stopped him dead in his tracks and kept him from killing it. Slung over his shoulder he carries it to a windowless room, the room would normally be his but it was the one that needed the rest, the room is empty, just a floor, walls and a door, he set it down on the cold cement and locked the door behind him.

/

Aching, her body only registered the aching in her torso and stiffness as she opened her eyes, it took longer than she liked to admit to figure out that no amount of blinking would clear the darkness away because the room itself was pitch black. Sitting up hurt but not as much as she had expected, feeling her chest for the bullet wounds she didn't find her old world war two suit but just a thin shirt instead, under the shirt her wounds were covered. Thinking hard she remembered falling, hitting the freezing water and sinking, getting to her feet in the darkness Stephanie put her arms out and started feeling around, once her hand clumsily bumped into wall she followed it around the room feet stumbling. The feel of a door under her hands was a relief, she grabbed at the knob and jiggled it around, it was locked, of course it was locked.

"H-Hello? Is someone out there?" She called out. "Wh… Where am I?" Stephanie whispered to herself.

Placing her ear to the door she tried to listen for any sounds but it was silent, a sigh passed her lips as she turned so her forehead was against the door instead of her ear, where was she? How was she even alive? She should be in a body bag somewhere or a hospital, if any of her friends had found her she would be right? Maybe the government had decided she was too dangerous and locked her away, but if that was what happened wouldn't she be in a prison cell?

Blinding lights suddenly clicked on and Stephanie flinched covering her unadjusted eyes, she blinked away the sharpness of the fluorescent lights then looked around for a camera or anything that would be a sign she was being watched, the room was empty. Turning back to the door Stephanie looked at the knob waiting for it to turn but it didn't, kneeling down she reached into her hair for one of her bobby pins but her hair was down, it fell over her shoulders and down her back stopping just a few inches above her hips, her hair was never down on missions.

Stephanie stood back upright looking herself over, she was dressed in a simple white muscle shirt, black sweat pants and the gauze that covered her gun shot wounds. Unwrapping the white gauze from around her chest, the wounds were healed almost fully, she wondered who had patched her up, her mind clicked remembering what she had forgotten, Bucky, Bucky had been there with her when the helicarrier went down.

Turning back to the door Stephanie used all the strength she had to kick the door by the lock trying to break it down but it was solid, she sighed and backed away from the door wishing she didn't have to do what she had to do. Running at the door she used her full body weight to slam into the door, it burst open sending Stephanie stumbling out of the empty room, once she got her footing a sudden punch came flying at her and she just barely managed to avoid it only to get knocked off her feet. Once she hit the floor hands grabbed her wrists and a knee was pinning her torso down, before she took the time to see who it was she brought her leg up to kick the person but he caught her leg with one hand as the old held her wrists together.

"Bucky!" Stephanie gasped.

He just looked down at her with empty eyes, she smiled up at him trying to wiggle her hands out of his hold, his grip was too strong and it tightened till it hurt as she struggled to get free.

"Buck it's me! Stephanie, Stephanie Rogers."

Still he just looked at her no emotions showing in his face or eyes, it was blank, empty, cold, it was like looking into the eyes of Iron man when he was in his suit, Stephanie stopped moving and let the emotions roll her over. It was him, he was alive but he wasn't there, the Bucky she knew was lost in the emptiness that stared her down.

"I know who you are. Captain America." The words were hollow as they left his mouth.

The grip on her wrists eased up till it was gone altogether, he backed off of her letting some distance between them, Stephanie started to get up but that seemed to agitate Bucky so she just stayed down.

"I know you, why do I know you?" He asked completely still, crouching on his toes without even looking at her.

"Because we grew up together… Buck, you're my best pal."

"I don't remember that."

"What did they do to you Buck?" Stephanie whispered, it made Bucky look down at her confused.

"I don't know…." He said blankly staring at nothing, getting lost in it. "But I'll find out."


	2. Chapter 2

Hours of sitting in the back of the hollowed out van, tied up, sliding from side to side each time Bucky jerked the van into a turn, Stephanie didn't try to get free, thought she probably could if she tried hard enough, she was tied with wire not rope, nothing she could easily get out of but she was stronger then most people. Bucky had given her other clothes, blue jeans, long sleeved plaid brown shirt, undergarments, socks and a pair of converse, the shoes were thin and wouldn't be good in a fight, Stephanie assumed thats why he'd chosen them.

Suddenly the van came to a screeching stop sending Stephanie flying forward crashing onto the floor, Bucky turned back to look at her unbuckling his seat belt before crawling into the back.

"If you run, if you scream, if you leave my sight… Peggie is first, Russian is last."

"I won't run, I'm with you."

Nothing in his face changed, he simply wiped the van down untied Stephanie and pulled her into the open, looking around she could tell they were in a parking lot, Bucky put a knife in his sweater pocket shooting her a threatening look. Of course she understood, walking closer to the building crowded with people Stephanie realised they were at a train station, where was he taking her? The watch on Bucky's wrist started beeping, he looked down at it clicked it off before grabbing Stephanie's hand, towing her into the sea of first she squeezed his hand her hers, it was the closest she'd been to him without being hit, then she realised it looked like they were together.

Over and over she told herself it was just him trying to keep her from running away to calm the feelings rising in her stomach, back before they'd been frozen this sort of thing would be looked at as meaning they were a couple and somehow that made Stephanie uncomfortable. Her feelings for Bucky were twisted between 'He's my saviour' and 'He's not himself', he always had a girl on his arm, always, by the time she had matured into a lady Bucky was already a man with lots of experience.

The still idle thoughts slipped away when Bucky pulled her to his side letting her hand go, she was a deer in headlights, blinking away the confusion looking over at Bucky who was ordering food from some rinky little hot dog vender. Money appeared in Bucky's hands, he looked like himself for a fading moment, he mirrored the people around him so perfectly that for half a second Stephanie smiled over at him remembering just how much she'd missed him.

Fingers dug deep into her arm and dragged her away from the little vender, Bucky had turned blank again, all light fading from his eyes, any human emotion stripped from his face replaced by emptiness.

"Eat." Bucky instructed as he sat on an empty bench yanking Stephanie down beside him.

Bucky placed a little paper plate with two hot dogs on her lap and a bottle of water, he didn't even turn to look at her he simply started eating the hot dogs in front of him. Stephanie didn't eat even though she was hungry, she was too busy looking at the man sitting beside her.

What was seventy years ago felt like only a few years to Stephanie, she remembered sitting with a battered up Bucky just after she had hunted him down and ripped him free of Hydra, she had found him strapped to metal table and till now she hadn't thought anything of it. What were they doing to him? Had she interrupted them tearing into him and turning him into the empty man he was now? Remembering him after she couldn't say he was the same, but he wasn't so lost either.

Stephanie recalled finding him sitting alone staring into space out in the fresh snow, she sat with him in silence, snow melting under their body heat, laughter coming from the rescued men as they were welcomed back, Bucky just sat there for a long while and Stephanie stayed with him. He had lightened up after the twenty minutes they'd spent alone in silence, she remembered he had gotten drunk, ended up taking two women back to his bunk, she had always admired his strength and willingness to overcome anything.

"Eat."

Stephanie shook her head trying to get the memories to stop replaying, Bucky scanned the filled room, he turned to look at her eyes watching her face, waiting and watching.

"Last chance."

Stephanie nodded and bit into the hot dog, she didn't want to think what he would do if she refused, she imagined what ever it was that he intended to do would end in someone bleeding.

Tickets in hand Bucky led her to the train watching her carefully but not touching her again Stephanie was thankful for it, she walked through the aisles till she found a slightly less crowded car and took a spot, but the car soon became overrun with people and being the lady she is Stephanie gave up her seat to a beautiful middle aged mother and her new born baby. Buck and Stephanie ended up standing in the aisle together, looking out the window as everything passed them by, blurs of green, brown, and mangled colors swam across Stephanie's eyes but she didn't really see anything because all her attention was on the man beside her.

Two police walked through the car talking to each other about something important waiting for them in the drivers car, Bucky ignored them and just inched his way in front of Stephanie so they didn't get a good look at her. Something about the way he was so calm made her uncomfortable, he was far from steady back on highway and streets of D.C and for some reason Stephanie had assumed he wouldn't be so able to fit in, yet there he was blending perfectly. Losing herself in the thoughts, analyzing the darker version of her best friend from the corner of her eye so he wouldn't be bothered by her gaze.

In a fluid flash of movement Bucky was facing her his hand grabbing the side of her face and pulling her in close to him, he hesitated for just a split second before pressing his mouth to hers. Wide eyes stared into Bucky's face so confused, then the solid feel of the knife in Bucky's pocket made her understand that it was a rouse, Stephanie forced herself to settle into her skin shutting her eyes, his lips felt hot on hers. Cold metal touched her jaw and held the back of her neck in place, it felt like an eternity that he pressed himself to her but only seconds passed by, she could feel her heart beating faster and faster the longer he held the kiss. Something in the pit of her stomach started to rise, a mix of anxiety and adrenaline coursed through her, she started to pull away because the kiss had lasted too long and a blush was starting to cover her cheeks, but Bucky forced her to be still.

The wetness of his tongue touched her bottom lip and that was the last straw, she put her hands up to his chest ready to shove him away, the knife dug into her back and she gasped feeling it bite into her clothes and brush against her skin. The gasp gave Bucky the opening he needed and before she could stop it he was slipping his tongue into her mouth, a small sound of shock found its way out of her mouth, he gave a little breaking the kiss just long enough to move his head to the other side.

Stephanie caught eye of the reason for the kiss, the cops were back and this time they were looking at the people around them, Bucky moved blocking her view pressing his lips to hers again. Kissing him back was strange, she'd never kissed a man before, it felt nothing like when Nat had kissed her and everything like when Peggy had kissed her, that realizon caused panic to rise up in her but she forced it down and kissed a little harder. The pressure was returned with ease and again she felt his tongue pressing against her mouth, she surprised herself by opening up for him letting him in. Tongues brushing against each other fighting for dominance, it was short lived because just as quickly as he started he stopped, Bucky pulled away from her, the knife disappeared, he turned his back to her as if nothing had happened leaving her with so many feelings flooding her. She moved her hand up to cover her face, fingers touching her still wet lips, a deep blush crossed her face as she wiped the wetness off herself.

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"I have to use the lady's room."

Bucky turned to face it, it was a light shade of pink and looked suspicious, eyes avoiding his, crumpled into itself holding it's arms tightly to it's chest, hair draping over it's shoulder covering it's face slightly.

"No." Sharp, quite, final.

It looked up into his eyes and he looked back into it's face, people around them shifted, whispering, shifting, eyes looking back at them, he sighed taking its hand as he navigated through the people leading it to the bathroom.

Pushing it into the bathroom he shut the door after, turning back to look at it he waited watching her carefully, it turned a bright shade of red looking at him with wide eyes.

"What are you doing?!" It hissed in a quiet voice.

"You don't leave my sight."

"Jesus Bucky, I'm a lady! This isn't proper!"

"Then don't do your business, I really don't care."

"James! Please, I… I have to. Can't you just wait outside?"

"You. Don't. Leave. My. Sight."

"Fine, fine, can you at least turn around? I'd like to keep my privates private."

"I'm not interested, now either do it or don't."

It didn't seem to like the idea of being watched, he had no problems with it, he wasn't watching it out of some disgusting desire or want, no this was strictly making sure it didn't escape or call for help. Shifting where he stood as it peered into him with pleading eyes he growled turning his back to it, from where he stood he could still glimpse at it from the mirror. There was something scratching at the back of his mind telling him he shouldn't show kindness to it, but he couldn't lie to himself and say he didn't want to show her- it kindness, he'd let it live after all, he had carried her away from the waters edge instead of leaving her-it….

Losing himself in a battle of it's or she's, something clicked in his head and he realized he was… growing to like her or already did? Something inside him, past the training, past agonizing chair, buried under years of being less than human he had some sort of feelings for the female with bright eyes and sweet scented hair.

"_B-Bucky? BUCKY!" _Her whispers and screams echoed in his head, memories he couldn't place.

"Bucky?" Again it's voice was there."Hey? Bucky?"

Suddenly there it was, standing right next to him fingers outstretched and nearly touching him, reacting badly to his mind blinding him to the small gap of time he grabbed her wrist with his metal hand and shoved her face down on the sink. It was just a flash of anger, unhanding it he backed away from her- it, it stood upright with it's hands up in a submissive display.

"It's okay Buck. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have touched you." She smiled softly at him.

Staring at it with a mix of confusion over why it was apologizing and confusion over why it was treating him so softly, he wasn't a person not really, he was a tool to be used, it was so strange seeing someone treat him… human.

Silence fell over them for a long moment, he watched it, face still twisted with confusion as he tried to figure it out.

"Let's go."

Most of the ride was spent with it behind him pressed between the wall and his body, if it tried to escape it would be forced to go through him, but it didn't move it just looked at him from the corner of it's eye and fluxed between normal cheeks to burning red. The cops passed back into the car still searching faces, Bucky couldn't risk them finding them, he didn't bother watching what they were doing after he saw one start speaking to a woman.

Turning back to face it again it had already seen the police and pulled it's hair over one shoulder so it acted like a curtain hiding it's face, reaching his flesh and blood hand out brushing his fingertips over her face so his back was blocking the view of the aisles. Something must have spooked the mission because in a quick movement it had grabbed his metal wrist and pulled him closer wrapping the arm she held around her hip. He looked harshly into it's face, most of him anted too jerk his arm free of her- it's hold but he couldn't let the act of 'lover' be ruined because it had taken liberties.

"Excuse me sir,"

Turning back to the sound of the voice he found himself standing face to face with one of the two cops, he was about four inches shorter then him making him three inches shorter then the blonde, dark eyes and hair.

"Sorry to interrupt but. Have you seen this little girl?" The cop held up a picture of a little black haired girl with green eyes, a small scar over her left nostril and thin lips.

He had seen her in car three with some guy in his fifties, he remembered thinking the older man looked nothing like her, now he guessed the man wasn't her caretaker.

"No sir. Sorry. Haven't seen much of anything really, been keeping busy."

The cop looked past him at the mission and gave him an approving look.

"Thanks for your time." The man said moving along to passengers next to them.

A part of him felt guilty for not telling them where the girl was but it was such a small part that he pushed it down, besides the cops would find her right? His eye brows pulled together as he consider getting the girl himself, the mission was the blonde not some girl, ignoring the nagging scratching at his mind he let the issue go.

Playing the part of someone love stuck was easy, he had seen the interactions of many couples over the past few days, overuse of physical contact, need to be as near as possible without touching, eyes always looking to the other's face or physically pleasing body parts. Mimicking love was annoying, he'd have much rather killed the cops but he needed to get across the city quickly and without a trace, killing people tended to leave traces.

It seemed very opposed to the act of being a lover, avoiding eye contact and keeping it's face slightly turned so he'd have to turn her head to make any type of move toward her lips, he questioned if it was because of some distaste for him.

'_It's because she's a lesbian.'_

The information just appeared in his mind, was that in the files on it? No, he just knew it.

'_Because I know her.'_

Moving his hand to her chin Bucky grabbed her gently between his thumb and forefinger, pulling her head up so she'd be looking into his eyes he smiled down at her, in a split second her face turned from unsure back to her normal innocently naive and cheerful. It was such a short moment, gone too fast, the sound of the car doors clicking closed behind the police caused the dark haired man to jerk back a few inches, blinking away the brightness of Bucky and replacing it with the emptiness of Winter Soldier. The metal hand closed tightly around it's wrist, all reminisces of the act of 'love stuck' gone, back turned to the blonde thing, squeezing so forcefully he was sure his fingers would be bruised into her soft lightly colored skin.

Walking off the train he spotted the little girl and the older man, with a sigh he dragged the girl with him as he left the first piece of evidence the Russian would use to track them down, a man with a broken neck and a little girl who's new hero was Captain America. It was the first show of trust the black haired man had shown anyone not Hydra, letting the blonde woman take the little girl away so she wouldn't see him snap the older man's neck, they left the little girl at the ticket booth.


End file.
